7 Rules of Life

Here are seven rules of life as passed to me from a friend's family. They came up with the original six & I added number seven. You must remember if you ever choose to incorporate these rules that they must stay attached to their current number. For instance, when somebody does something really dumb you can say, "Remember rule number 6, Stop & Think". Well here are Life's 7 Rules in all their glory.

1. Be nice.
2. Stay focused.
3. Think Positive.
4. Get over it.
5. Suck in your gut.
6. Stop and think.
7. Never pass up the opportunity to use the restroom.

You are welcome to any of these rules, but make sure you keep them attached to a number for quick reference. You can email me or leave a comment with any questions or clarificatory queries.

What Good Are Old People?

Between these last two days I have had two older customers ask me what use they are. They can't do physical labor, they're retired so they consider themselves somewhat useless. I found myself in the difficult position of having to correct them. Our culture and society does not respect nor honor the aged. You already know our culture does not have everything right all the time as it is. That is one thing I respect about the Asian, African, and South American cultures; they respect and revere those who are elderly. I told both of these "young" men that they have a lot that the rest of us need. They have the wisdom that comes with age and having been "there" before, they have advice to offer on a variety of subjects they have encountered, they are walking history books that can tell you what really happened, and if they are Christians they have an absolutely incredible opportunity to pray for those in their lives. Most certainly they are not useless. I told them I love to call my grandparents or stop by and just talk to them for hours, they have so much to offer me in the way of wisdom that I learn from. I am thankful that I don't get paid by the hour, because I found myself taking a half hour with each of these two guys. I always learn something new with them. So don't look down upon and consider the elderly as useless but see what you can learn from them, it'll brighten their day too.

Ugly Babies?

Today I found myself pondering one of God's mysteries, ugly babies. No, I'm not talking about human babies (you know the whole "only a face a mother could love" type of thing), but ones found in the animal kingdom. Most baby animals are absolutely adorable. For instance puppies (with the exception of chihuahuas and poodles) and kittens (with the exception of the hairless variety). An animal I found myself marveling at is the baby bird. It is one of the few animals that actually becomes more attractive as it gets older. As a baby it is a disgusting, hairless, weird throated, creature. This got me thinking about what makes us think an animal is cute or ugly. The answer...fuzziness. Look at a baby chick, how cute they are with all that yellow fuzz. Puppies and kittens are the same way. Now when the fuzz turns into hair they become less attractive. That's why we usually like puppies better than dogs. If you can think of other disgustingly ugly babies let me know.

Thinking

So lately while at work I've had to turn off my radio. I've been thinking too much about other things to pay attention to it. It's started bugging me, because I've been thinking more. I used to pick on my mom because she was always thinking about something. She could never enjoy a movie just as a movie, but would always have to find some "deep" meaning in it. Same with books. I have a friend who sometimes has to consciously tell herself to stop thinking at night so she can get to sleep. I used to be able to go for hours without a single conscious thought going through my head. Well, apparently all that's changed. Now I have started thinking a lot as well. It's so annoying, I just want to have peace and quiet and in pops a thought. ARGGGH. Well here's a little something I found that describes my dilemma (the author is unknown).

----------

Thinkers Anonymous

It started out innocently enough. I began to think at parties now and then -- to loosen up. Inevitably, though, one thought led to another, and soon I was more than just a social thinker. I began to think alone -- "to relax," I told myself -- but I knew it wasn't true.

Thinking became more and more important to me, and finally I was thinking all the time. That was when things began to sour at home. One evening I had turned off the TV and asked my wife about the meaning of life. She spent that night at her mother's.

I began to think on the job. I knew that thinking and employment don't mix, but I couldn't stop myself. I began to avoid friends at lunch time so I could read Thoreau and Kafka. I would return to the office dizzied and confused, asking, "What is it exactly we are doing here?"

One day the boss called me in. He said, "Listen, I like you, and it hurts me to say this, but your thinking has become a real problem. If you don't stop thinking on the job, you'll have to find another job."

This gave me a lot to think about.

I came home early after my conversation with the boss. "Honey," I confessed, "I've been thinking..." "I know you've been thinking," she said, "and I want a divorce!"

"But Honey, surely it's not that serious."

"It is serious," she said, lower lip aquiver. "You think as much as college professors, and college professors don't make any money, so if you keep on thinking, we won't have any money!"

"That's a faulty syllogism," I said impatiently. She exploded in tears of rage and frustration, but I was in no mood to deal with the emotional drama.

"I'm going to the library," I snarled as I stomped out the door. I headed for the library, in the mood for some Nietzsche. I roared into the parking lot with NPR on the radio and ran up to the big glass doors... They didn't open. The library was closed. To this day, I believe that a Higher Power was looking out for me that night.

As I sank to the ground, clawing at the unfeeling glass, whimpering for Zarathustra, a poster caught my eye. "Friend, is heavy thinking ruining your life?" it asked. You probably recognize that line. It comes from the standard Thinker's Anonymous poster. Which is why I am what I am today: a recovering thinker. I never miss a TA meeting.

At each meeting we watch a non-educational video; last week it was "Dumb & Dumber." Then we share experiences about how we avoided thinking since the last meeting. I still have my job, and things are a lot better at home.

Life just seemed ... easier, somehow, as soon as I stopped thinking. I think the road to recovery is nearly complete for me. Today, I registered to vote Democrat.